Working Mom Guilt…TGIF

It’s weeks like this one that really make me excited for the weekend. 2 days (actually, luckily we have a long weekend, so it’s 3 days!) to shut-off from work and the weekly stresses, and to just hang out and soak in some quality time with my husband and kids. It’s been a long, demanding week for Derek and I. A break to focus on our family unit and to give the kids some extra love and attention is seriously needed.

Occasionally, I feel it – the Working Mom Guilt. For the most part, my kids are pretty well-adjusted to me being a working Mom. They know their routine- Mondays and Fridays they get to hang out with their Lola in the morning and spend the afternoon with their Nanny. The rest of the week, they’re in school, having fun and learning a ton with their little classmates and their amazing teachers. When we all converge at home at the end of a long day, they know the drill- dinnertime, playtime, bath and bed. Some nights, Derek and I are both home and the kids get equal (and tons of) attention. But these days, more often than not, he’s working. So I’m busy splitting my attention between the two kids while attempting to make a reasonably healthy dinner.

But, it’s a system. We have a flow. We have fun. And it works.

But some days, it doesn’t.

Some days, the kids are exhausted from school and have skipped a nap or two. Some mornings, they’re woken up earlier than they’d like (sorry Keaton!), in order to make it to school on time, and that sets the groucho tone for the rest of their day. Or, some days, like a few days this week, they just miss their Mom.

You can tell – the way that they cling on to you for dear life the minute that you walk through the door, with that sloth-like grip that says, without words – you better not leave me again. The way that they make sure that if you ABSOLUTELY MUST put them down, even for a second, you’re within arms reach. The way that they move their chair next to yours at the dinner table, because suddenly, sitting across from you is much too far away. You can just tell. I can tell. And then, once they’re asleep and you finally have a moment to yourself to breath, you feel it. At least I do. Sometimes. The Guilt.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love working and having responsibilities and skills apart from being a Mom. I love the sense of accomplishment that I feel at work and I love the necessary adult and social interaction of it all. I know the reasons why I work and I’m at peace with it. But sometimes, I can’t help but feel bad. I feel bad knowing that there are not enough hours in a day to give my kids the attention that they want and need. I feel bad that sometimes, dinners are often rushed and late and I’ve forgotten to put vegetables on their plates. I feel bad because my daughter wakes up at 5:30 every morning during the week, just so that she can talk to me before I leave for work, even if that means she’s exhausted by lunch. (I’ve tried to tell her that she can stay in bed, that she should try to get more sleep, but she counters with- “no Mom, I’m going to miss you so I want to see you before you go and maybe keep Dad company while he’s exercising”. Fair enough.)

And trust me, I know, I tell myself all the time – “they’re happy, they’re fine”, “they’re little, they’re resilient”, “they’re too busy having fun throughout their day to really miss me”.

But still. Sometimes, that guilty feeling just sucks.

So, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the weekends (and long weekends) where I can shut off a part of my mind, even for a few days, just to focus on these little faces who brighten up even the most frustrating, exhausting weeks.

My little workout buddies.

I’m so excited to spend a few days soaking in as much of these little beings as I can, because I know the day will come when they won’t rush to hug me as soon as I walk in the door and my body will miss those sloth-like hugs.

 

Seriously. I'm so blessed.

 

I hope you all have an amazing long-weekend, spent with your favourite faces.

Xo

M